Monday, July 9, 2012

How to Drive Campground Host Batty

So, we’ve been campground hosting for 3 weeks now.  We’ve loved it… something we will definitely do again. We’re just filling in, so our time is almost up L We’ve met some great people, and, well, some, um, shall we say, interesting people as well. In honor of those interesting people, I present:
How to be an obnoxious camper (or how to drive the campground host batty):
  1. Ask the host to do something about the yellow jackets. Because “I’m a customer, and I am complaining about all the bugs around here. You need to do something about it, cause I’m a paying customer.” Hello? You are IN NATURE! Shall I turn down the thermostat, too? Perhaps I can send the rain away and turn off those pesky mosquitos too. When we try to sympathize about the yellow jackets and explain that we are “ate up” with yellow jackets on our campsite too, reply, “So, uh, you have 8 yellow jackets on your campsite?”
  2. Allow your children to throw pop-its (those little firecracker things) in the bathroom.
  3. Ask a passing camper (who you don’t know from Adam) if you can borrow their blue portable waste tank.
  4. When said camper tells you no way, empty your black tank right there on your campsite. Turn on the water hose to dispose of the evidence. When the host comes to question you, tell them you just had a leak. From the sink. Yes, it was from the bathroom. But it was the sink, really. The toilet paper on the ground? That’s just a coincidence. Really. The sink just happened to leak.
  5. Crawl under a locked bathroom stall door to do #2 in a toilet clearly labeled OUT OF ORDER, ignoring the three other empty stalls.
  6. Let your kids have a water balloon fight with at least 500 water balloons, and leave all the broken balloons there for someone else to pick up. Or leave 3 garbage bags full of trash scattered all over your campsite, because we DON’T get paid to clean up after you!
  7. Do the nasty, and leave, well, shall we say, your used birth control apparatus, lying around.
  8. Leave your dirty underwear behind. We picked up three pairs yesterday. Anyone heard of a washing machine? Update… four pairs of drawers- in one day!
  9. Park 7 cars on your campsite, so that the people on either side of you can’t even park one car. Get huffy about it when politely asked to move some of them.
  10. Even though you have an RV, (you know, like with a bathroom), set up a portable toilet outside. When your stay is over, dump said portapotty ON THE CAMPSITE! Just what the next camper wants to come up on!
  11. Take a very long time (no kidding, 30 minutes) in the men’s room stall. When the male host finally decides to just come in and clean everything else because he’s tired of waiting, strike up a conversation with him… while you are ON THE JOHN. Get into a lengthy discussion of your morning bowel habits and why you now need to take a shower. 
  12. When there is obviously an electrical problem inside your camper, firmly insist it must be with our power. Never mind another camper pulled off the same site two hours earlier, after being there for two weeks, and the power worked fine. Continue insisting it’s our problem, refusing our suggestions to try the power on another site. Come sit outside our camper, honking your horn until we come out (who heard of knocking on the door, right?) to explain that you need a free night camping to make up for it.
  13. Ask if the big square drain, covered with a screen, labeled SINK WATER ONLY (as in, dump your sink water here) is drinkable. Are you planning on bending down and lapping from it?
  14. Make us come to your campsite 6 or 7 times to get you to pay, repeatedly insisting you are going to go do it any minute now. Or, even worse, don’t pay at all. Come in late at night and leave early in the morning so we won’t catch you.
  15. Come complain that your water doesn’t work. Funny thing about the water pipe… you have to actually TURN IT ON!

All of these are, I’m sad to say, true events… shaking my head….

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